


the chat fic literally no one wanted. except me. i wanted this.

by dazesanddoodles



Series: Picnic Portals Is An Important Friendship I Refuse To Sleep On [4]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Because yes, Chatting & Messaging, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I-, Multi, STEPHEN WTF, Stephen Strange in a Dress, The Author Regrets Nothing, bc why not, chris and steph’s friendship is iconic, christine says peg all men and we say yes maam, cuz its happening, good ol fashioned chat fic, h-, he sounds nasty, im so fricken tired y’all i-, is a running thing in a sever i'm in . so i needed to add that here, me: felt like adding mordo might delete later, mwahahahahha, nick is disowned i don’t make the rules, nick? reowned? i’m shock, no one:, now i want cheesecake brownies he c k, stephe- oh nevermind, stephen dont yeet the lunch, todd can choke, wait what was that about stealing a dog, whY IS THE KETTLE IN THE OVEN, who?? are? the avians???, wong and christine being parents™️, yall ready for a prank war no one asked for?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2020-11-28 04:49:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20960750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dazesanddoodles/pseuds/dazesanddoodles
Summary: stephen. christine. wong. nick. one group chat.shenanigans ensue





	1. all rise for the national anthem

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know where this takes place or when but shhhhh i won’t mention it if you won’t
> 
> unrelated but what was the best ‘straight to dvd disney sequel or threquel’ in your opinion, i’m curious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cuz it’s to coOoOoOold for you here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just felt like this needed to exist so yeah :) enjoy my unedited writing :0

** i see the whole gang is here **

6:18 PM

disowned: Stephen

disowned: Steeeephen

disowned: :^/

just another chris™: hang on i got this

just another chris™: stephen!!!! :D!!!

nerd cowboy wizard: hi christine!!!!! <3333

disowned: Come on :^(

nerd cowboy wizard: perish

nerd cowboy wizard: also why was i summoned

disowned: What was that song from when you did that thing for the thing?

just another chris™: wh

nerd cowboy wizard: sweater weather?

just another chris™: all rise 4 our national anthem

_ nerd cowboy wizard has changed the chat name to “all rise for the national anthem” _

disowned: Yeah that song!

nerd cowboy wizard: the fact that you don't know the name is just another reason that you're disowned nick

just another chris™: normally i'd try to defend u but honestly that's the national anthem sooo :/

disowned: Aw :^(

wRong: STOP TEXTING OML

wRong: ITS LIKE FOUR AM HERE

nerd cowboy wizard: ...

just another chris™: does that mean

nerd cowboy wizard: that for you

just another chris™: it's

nerd cowboy wizard: 420?

wRong: the fact that you did that in complete unison creeps me out. stop that.

wRong: also yes

just another chris™: nice nice nice nice

nerd cowboy wizard: ayyyyyyyyy

disowned: Sick

nerd cowboy wizard: sICK ISNT A RESPONSE TO SOMEONE SAYING 420 YOU DINGUS

just another chris™: the proper responses are “blaze it” “nice” or “ayyy”

nerd cowboy wizard: “chris is that a weed” is also acceptable on occasion

disowned: I-

nerd cowboy wizard: at least you did that correctly, have a gold star

disowned: Have I just received praise from the great and powerful Dr. Stephen Strange :^0

_ just another chris™ has changed nerd cowboy wizard’s username to “the great and powerful” _

disowned: Wait till my mom hears this

the great and powerful: ew change it back

just another chris™: only 4 u bb

_ just another chris™ has changed the great and powerful’s username to “nerd cowboy wizard” _

nerd cowboy wizard: the scales of the universe are balanced once more

nerd cowboy wizard: also nick, you're a disappointment again

disowned: Dang

disowned: Wait till my mom hears this

nerd cowboy wizard: :D<33

disowned: :^/

nerd cowboy wizard: D:

just another chris™: :) <3333

nerd cowboy wizard: thanks hun :’D

wRong: why am I even here

nerd cowboy wizard: fate

just another chris™: when a mommy and a daddy love each other very muc-

disowned: You were added

wRong: go to sleep

nerd cowboy wizard: but it's six

wRong: :(

nerd cowboy wizard: yikey, off to bed right now then

wRong: :)

just another chris™: the sheer power

disowned: I think you're more powerful ngl

just another chris™: hmm

just another chris™: stephen dont go to sleep

nerd cowboy wizard: yes ma'am

wRong: wow you really are powerful

wRong: stephen go to bed

nerd cowboy wizard: hhhhHHHH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

nerd cowboy wizard: @disowned imma let u pick

disowned: Wow really? Okay umm

disowned: Don't sleep

nerd cowboy wizard: guess i'll sleep then

disowned: I-

just another chris™: seems like wong and i are equally powerful but stephen's desire to do the opposite of what nick says trumps all

wRong: the more you know

wRong: now you sleep too

just another chris™: k mom

wRong: h-

** chaotic bi wizard protection squad **

6:41 PM

wRong: has he slept?

just another chris™: i just checked w/ the house

wRong: *sanctum

just another chris™: shut

just another chris™: but yeah the sAnCtUm communicated that he did pass out but it has been like three days

wRong: i-

just another chris™: i'll yell @ him dw

just another chris™: well first give him hugs and a blanket

just another chris™: and maybe some boba

just another chris™: and then i'll tell homeboy that he makes bad decisions

wRong: thanks christine

wRong: oo before i forget, make sure he eats

just another chris™: way ahead of u! already started on some quesadillas

wRong: parent gang?

just another chris™: parent gang

** all rise for the national anthem **

2:37 AM

nerd cowboy wizard: IF ANYONE ASKS

nerd cowboy wizard: I **DIDNT** STEAL THE DOG

just another chris™: i leave for five minutes


	2. DOGS ARE GR8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all hail the enlightened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up two days later and shoves this in your general direction* i’m back by popular demand
> 
> okay it was one person (thank you Annony in the comments!!!)
> 
> anyway, come and get y’alls juice

** all rise for the national anthem **

2:37 AM

nerd cowboy wizard: IF ANYONE ASKS

nerd cowboy wizard: I **DIDNT** STEAL THE DOG

just another chris™: i leave for five minutes

wRong: should i be concerned? also stephen do want lassi

nerd cowboy wizard: heck yeah, lassi’s the best

wRong: kay

wRong: now go back to bed

nerd cowboy wizard: nEVER

nerd cowboy wizard: mWAHAHAHHHSJDJDJDH

wRong: ?

wRong: stephen were you murked?

just another chris™: don’t ask questions u don’t want the answer 2 :)

wRong: h-

just another chris™: he’ll be fine :)

wRong: you scare me

just another chris™: good :)

** all rise for the national anthem **

10:06 AM

disowned: What did I just walk into

nerd cowboy wizard: me stealin- not stealing a dog

just another chris™: oh yeah u did do that

wRong: I’m sorry wh-

nerd cowboy wizard: we have a beagle now :D

nerd cowboy wizard: his name is bats!

wRong: did you steal him

nerd cowboy wizard: no

wRong: :/

nerd cowboy wizard: maybe

just another chris™: h

disowned: You got a dog? Thought you’d be a cat person

just another chris™: [_whywouldyousaysomethingsocontroversialyetsobrave.jpe_]

nerd cowboy wizard: in order to address the rumors, it’s true

nerd cowboy wizard: i am in fact… a dog person

_ wRong has removed nerd cowboy wizard from ‘all hail the national anthem’ _

just another chris™: pfff

_ just another chris™ has added Stephden to ‘all hail the national anthem’ _

_ Stephden has changed Stephden’s username to “nerd cowboy wizard” _

_ nerd cowboy wizard has changed the chat name to “DOGS ARE GR8” _

nerd cowboy wizard: I LIKE DOGS OKAY

wRong: no that’s illegal

just another chris™: i don’t know who you are anymore

disowned: Is it reversible?

nerd cowboy wizard: this is just who i am :’/

just another chris™: dishonor

nerd cowboy wizard: i’m sORRY

just another chris™: fine. ur forgiven

just another chris™: only because i lov u

nerd cowboy wizard: best fraaaaan

just another chris™: nerd

just another chris™: best fraaaan

wRong: best fraaaan?

nerd cowboy wizard: best fraaaan :D

disowned: Best fraaan?

nerd cowboy wizard: no

disowned: H-

** better than nick squad **

11:21 AM

just another chris™: lemme see the doggo

nerd cowboy wizard: [_softsleebypupper.jpeg_]

just another chris™: blessed

nerd cowboy wizard: want to co parent?

just another chris™: it would b an honor

_ nerd cowboy wizard has changed the chat name to ‘best babs’ _

just another chris™: thanks wifey

nerd cowboy wizard: i-

just another chris™: shhhhhhhh

nerd cowboy wizard: but? you have? a wif-

just another chris™: _ shhhhhhhhh _

_ just another chris™ has changed the chat name to wifeys _

just another chris™: don’t question my genius

nerd cowboy wizard: yes ma’am

just another chris™: pronouns for our child?

nerd cowboy wizard: bats is a he

just another chris™: he is best boy

just another chris™: giv him best belly rubs

nerd cowboy wizard: h*ck yeah

** bootleg grey’s anatomy **

11:59 AM

just another chris™: i'm heading to stephen's 2nite, we co parent a kid now

disowned: :^0

just another chris™: dude! we should do a movie marathon! break into his house :D

disowned: Heck yeah

disowned: :^D!! Oooo we gotta get his cheesecake brownies

just another chris™: ofc

disowned: :^D

just another chris™: >:3

** the mirror dimension is gay **

12:04 PM

nerd cowboy wizard: could i snort hot cheeto dust

wRong: you have and it wasn't good remember

nerd cowboy wizard: oh yeah

nerd cowboy wizard: unrelated but wow im in love

wRong: [_ahshitherewegoagain.jpeg_]

** chaotic bi wizard protection squad **

12:05 PM

wRong: [_stephencaughtfeelingsohboy.jpeg_]

just another chris™: hmm

just another chris™: do i have to throw hands?

wRong: undecided

** DOGS ARE GR8 **

4:14 PM

nerd cowboy wizard: if you entered the mirror dimension while in space, could you breathe?

wRong: …

just another chris™: i

disowned: Do it

nerd cowboy wizard: bet

wRong: no

nerd cowboy wizard: aw :(

just another chris™: :(

nerd cowboy wizard: :/

just another chris™: :)

nerd cowboy wizard: :0

just another chris™: :D

nerd cowboy wizard: :DD

disowned: What did we just witness

wRong: honestly I have no idea

nerd cowboy wizard: no need to fear : )

just another chris™: all is okay now : )

disowned: I feel vaguely threatened

wRong: [_imindanger.jpeg_]

_ nerd cowboy wizard has changed just another chris™’s username to “the enli” _

_ the enli has changed nerd cowboy wizard’s username to “ghtened” _

the enli: the enlightened

ghtened: know all

the enli: all hail : )

ghtened: all hail : )

disowned: Wait till my mom hears this

wRong: wh-

** wifeys **

4:21 PM

the enli: all hail

ghtened: all hail

_ ghtened has changed the chat name to “THE ENLIGHTENED KNOW ALL _”

ghtened: : )

the enli: : )


	3. CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three hour words . dresses . brownies . feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ew the psat tests are wednesday, rip me
> 
> figured i’d get this out before lol
> 
> thanks to frost nova in the comments! and to anyone who has left kudos! or to anyone simply just reading this, thank you :)
> 
> hot take: natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 was robbed
> 
> fic related news: i’m almost done w chapter 2 of ‘three bands’ and yes! i’m still doing ‘this just in: stephen strange has a life’, it’s just taking a while to re write it bc school
> 
> health check: don’t forget to eat, hydrate, and move around if you haven’t in a while :) if you’re reading this before sleeping, go to sleep instead if you can! this fic will be there in the morning, i promise you that
> 
> okay! without further ado, here’s the chapter!

** wifeys **

4:21 PM

the enli: all hail

ghtened: all hail

_ ghtened has changed the chat name to “THE ENLIGHTENED KNOW ALL _”

ghtened: : )

the enli: : )

** sane ones **

4:26 PM

disowned: Those two scare me

wRong: same

disowned: Should we be worried?

wRong: ehh

wRong: jury’s still out on that

disowned: Fair enough

** THE ENLIGHTENED KNOW ALL **

4:27 PM

ghtened: cHRIS

the enli: whassup

ghtened: i’m in lov

the enli: with whomst?

ghtened: u <3

the enli: aww hun

the enli: ily2 <33

the enli: srlsy who tho

ghtened: hhhh i’ll let you know later

the enli: :0

the enli: did? you? get? digits??

ghtened: mdjjdkdjjsjsk maybe

the enli: KSJDJDJKD

ghtened: shut

the enli: fiiiiiiiiiine

the enli: we talking about this later tho

** DOGS ARE GR8 **

5:08 PM

ghtened: who dares me to attempt to say the longest word to ever word

wRong: that will take you three and a half hours

the enli: child n o

ghtened: :/

ghtened: oh and i made cheesecake brownies

disowned: Hell yeah

the enli: nO CURSING IN THIS GODDAMN

ghtened: MOTHERFUCKIN

the enli: HOUSEHOLD

ghtened: SH I T

wRong: i wonder who he got it from

_ the enli has changed the chat name to “CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD” _

disowned: ???? But Christine, you were raised jewi-

the enli: you dare question my logic?

disowned: No ma’am

the enli: that’s what i thought ::)

wRong: the multiple eyes deeply unsettle me

the enli: ::::)

ghtened: chris?

the enli: yes

ghtened: :l

the enli: i see

ghtened: :/ :o

the enli: i agree

disowned: ???

_ the enli has changed ghtened’s username to “witch doctor” _

_ witch doctor has changed the enli’s username to “master chef jr” _

master chef jr: :(

_ witch doctor has changed master chef jr’s username to “master chef jr™” _

master chef jr™: :)

** fratz **

6:37 PM

disowned: I’m breaking into your house today

witch doctor: to ctrl alt delete me :0?

disowned: N O

witch doctor: aw :(

witch doctor: what then

disowned: D O G

disowned: And cheesecake brownies

witch doctor: understandable, have a nice breaking and entering

disowned: I feel like you’re referencing something

witch doctor: *sigh* this is why you’re disowned

disowned: :^/

** the mirror dimension is gay **

7:26 PM

wRong: head over to the avian dimension and go to their annual gala

witch doctor: yes ma'am

witch doctor: wait what does one wear to a gala of high profile avians

wRong: to be honest, they'll probably gift you with clothes

wRong: they are r e a l l y into hospitality

wRong: it might feel like a week for you but only a couple hours or so will pass here, you’ll be fine don’t worry

witch doctor: alrighty

wRong: maybe a decade at most

witch doctor: wh

wRong: sending you a portal!

witch doctor: woNG??

** CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD **

7:30 PM

witch doctor: ??? nick i don’t think you can break in tonight :(

disowned: :^(

witch doctor: i’ll bring you cheesecake brownies tmrw

disowned: :^l

witch doctor: and my doggo

disowned: :^)

** THE ENLIGHTENED KNOW ALL **

10:57 PM

witch doctor: HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THAT DRESSES ARE HELLA COMFORTABLE

master chef jr™: h

witch doctor: regardless

witch doctor: im bout to send a text, wish me luck

master chef jr™: perish

witch doctor: :/

master chef jr™: said with love

witch doctor: :)

witch doctor: hhhhh okokok i’m gonna do it

master chef jr™: best of luck

witch doctor: <33

master chef jr™: >:3c

witch doctor: D:

master chef jr™: :)<3333

witch doctor: :’D

** Untitled Chat **

11:03 PM

_ Stephden has added Tones Steals Bones to “Untitled Chat” _

_ Stephden has changed Stephden’s username to “witch doctor” _

_ witch doctor has changed Tones Steals Bones’s username to “alloy man” _

witch doctor: hey

alloy man: Hi 

** THE ENLIGHTENED KNOW ALL **

11:04 PM

witch doctor: [_hELP.jpeg_]

witch doctor: CHRIS I AM PANIC

master chef jr™: bb we’ll deal w that l8r but do u want 2 go 2 that 7/11 rn tho

witch doctor: ….

witch doctor: yes

master chef jr™: :)


	4. war... war never changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow christine's memory is awful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SURVIVED THE PSATS
> 
> the memes are amazing ksjdkdk
> 
> thanks to friday in the comments! and to everyone leaving a comment! (i read them all and y'all are so nice oml) also thank you to all of you that leave kudos! and to anyone just reading this? thank youuuu <333
> 
> hot take: the moon is gay
> 
> fic related news: i’m stuck on the last paragraph of chapter 2 in ‘three bands’ (writers block sucks :P) and yes indeed, i’m still doing ‘this just in: stephen strange has a life’, it’s just taking a while to re write it bc workload
> 
> health check: don’t forget to eat, hydrate, and move around if you haven’t in a while :) i hope you're having a lovely day, but if you're not! just know that you'll get through it! i believe in y'all :D!!
> 
> if you read these, comment walnuts
> 
> and now? the chapter!

** THE ENLIGHTENED KNOW ALL **

11:04 PM

witch doctor: [_hELP.jpeg_]

witch doctor: CHRIS I AM PANIC

master chef jr™: bb we’ll deal w that l8r but do u want 2 go 2 that 7/11 rn tho

witch doctor: ….

witch doctor: yes

master chef jr™: :)

witch doctor: hot pockets?

master chef jr™: i thought you were vEgAn

witch doctor: wh

master chef jr™: wait no

master chef jr™: vegetarian

witch doctor: yee yee

witch doctor: h o t

master chef jr™: p o c k e t s

witch doctor: u complete me

master chef jr™: wbk

master chef jr™: lov u bb

witch doctor: <333

** CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD **

1:08 AM

disowned: If I put a milkshake in one yard and cracked open a cold one in another, where would the boys go????

witch doctor: … i-

master chef jr™: this is the shit i check my phone for

disowned: I haven’t been able to sleep because of this :^(

witch doctor: awww is the baby up past his bedtime

master chef jr™: poor kid :’(

disowned: :^/

disowned: Wait till my mom hears this

wRong: someone say my name?

master chef jr™: no mom ‘tis ok

wRong: alrighty then

wRong: now

wRong: GO THE FRICK TO SLEEP

witch doctor: okay

master chef jr™: yes ma’am

disowned: No one answered the question :^/

wRong: the boys go to both yards, they are an omnipresent entity

disowned: K thank

master chef jr™: wong

master chef jr™: what?

wRong: :)

master chef jr™: fair enough

** chaotic bi wizard protection squad **

6:26 AM

master chef jr™: oh btw [_stephenrllyisachaoticbi.jpeg_]

master chef jr™: our chaotic bi is chaotic

wRong: what else is new

master chef jr™: tru

wRong: so THE tony stark has caught our stephen’s eye

master chef jr™: id assume so

master chef jr™: the real question is what to do about it

wRong: yeah…

master chef jr™: …

master chef jr™: shovel talk?

wRong: mayhaps

master chef jr™: shit, he’s waking up

wRong: :/

master chef jr™: *shikey

wRong: h-

** parents of the disowned **

11:03 AM

master chef jr™: does anyone have his lunch packed for today?

witch doctor: on it

witch doctor: this is the eighth tuesday nick’s left his lunch :/

wRong: h-

master chef jr™: tbh i don’t remember yesterday, let alone how many tuesdays hes forgotten

wRong: that’s vaguely concerning

master chef jr™: eh tis fine, i only need to know the important stuff

master chef jr™: like my birthday, stephen’s birthday, our anniversary, our breakup-versary, our friends-again-versary, my cat’s adopt day, and the name of my second grade teacher

wRong: …. 

witch doctor: :D<333

master chef jr™: :P<333

wRong: you’re both morons

witch doctor: thank you

witch doctor: also chris, catch le déjeuner

master chef jr™: wh

witch doctor: i have made a terrible mistake, remember me wong

wRong: ??

master chef jr™: YOU COULDNT JUST PLACE IT ON THE COUNTER LIKE A **NORMAL PERSON** , NOOOOO YOU JUST ** _HAD_ ** TO HURL IT THROUGH A PORTAL

master chef jr™: _ AT MY HEAD _

witch doctor: i’m sORRY

master chef jr™: WATCH YOUR BACK BABE

master chef jr™: THIS MEANS WAR

wRong: not again

** CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD **

11:12 AM

_ master chef jr™ has changed the chat name to “war… war never changes” _

master chef jr™: stephen is officially dead to me

witch doctor: :(

disowned: Well this is unexpected

disowned: Wait till my mom hears this

master chef jr™: i still love u stephie<33 dw<33

master chef jr™: you just gotta go

witch doctor: h-


	5. talking about b o y s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ah, love me some good old fashioned leaf juice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my school musical is happening this friday! and i might see maleficent! heck yeah!
> 
> unrelated but w o w i love tea
> 
> thanks to frost nova in the comments! and to everyone leaving a comment! (every comment literally fuels my motivation for this and dang, y'all are so wholesome :’D) also thank you to anyone that leave kudos! and to anyone just reading this? i made this so you can read it! than k s for doing so !
> 
> hot take: twitches was when disney peaked
> 
> fic related news: school is making it hard to work on two bands :( but i have time this weekend! so hopefully (?) i’ll get it out sometime soon (the chapter has been stumping me tbh but i’m working through it) and as always, no i haven’t forgotten about ‘this just in: stephen strange has a life’! im working on it and when it’s rewritten it’ll be out for y’all to read >:3
> 
> health check: don’t forget to eat, hydrate, and move around if you haven’t in a while :) get some rest when you can and remember! you are important :) take care of yourself kiddos!
> 
> if you read these, comment your favorite use of potatoes :0
> 
> and now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! the chapter :D

** CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD **

11:12 AM

_ master chef jr™ has changed the chat name to “war… war never changes” _

master chef jr™: stephen is officially dead to me

witch doctor: :(

disowned: Well this is unexpected

disowned: Wait till my mom hears this

master chef jr™: i still love u stephie<33 dw<33

master chef jr™: you just gotta go

witch doctor: h-

witch doctor: chrissy

wRong: tegan

disowned: Got em

witch doctor: are you saying what i think you’re saying?

master chef jr™: yes

disowned: Oh geez, not another prank war

witch doctor: too late dear companion, war has been declared

master chef jr™: what’s done is done

wRong: you two are very chaotic, just so you know

master chef jr™: we know

witch doctor: we know

master chef jr™: jinx

witch doctor: jinx

disowned: H-

** chaotic bi wizard protection squad **

2:47 PM

wRong: come and get your mans

master chef jr™: what did he do this time

wRong: you know how he’s mastered essentially everything in the kitchen?

master chef jr™: of course

master chef jr™: we started talking bc he brought brownies one day and i asked him for a recipe

wRong: wait really?

master chef jr™: yea

wRong: somehow it’s hard to imagine that you haven’t always known each other

wRong: anyway, you know how despite being good at everything he can’t make tea for the life of him?

master chef jr™: ofc

wRong: i found him curled on the kitchen floor sobbing something about leaf juice

wRong: and the tea kettle was in the oven for some reason??? should i be concerned??

master chef jr™: dont worry your pretty bald head, im comin madre

wRong: h-

** war… war never changes **

2:51 PM

_ master chef jr™ has changed wRong’s username to “mater” _

mater: fair enough

** Untitled Chat **

3:08 PM

alloy man: mornin

witch doctor: ??it’s three pm

** pizzzzzaaaa **

3:09 PM

alloy man: [_hhhhhhhh.png_]

alloy man: i feel like i said a dumb thinggggggggg

salt bae: Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

alloy man: hhhhhhhhhhh

salt bae: Do something !

salt bae: Ooo ! Invite him somewhere !

alloy man: ur so smart

alloy man: this is why you’re a ceo

salt bae: Sssssstop

alloy man: lov u :’)

salt bae: Love you too!!!

** THE ENLIGHTENED KNOW ALL **

3:10 PM

witch doctor: [_heckheckheck.png_]

witch doctor: WHY DID I DO THIS

master chef jr™: nice

witch doctor: NOT

witch doctor: NICE

witch doctor: i took it literally and now he’ll think i’m an idiot and never want to talk to me again and i’ll have to go into hiding and live on mercury with no wifi so i’ll never be able to talk to you ever again and i’ll die because the sun is too close and because i can’t breathe in space :(

master chef jr™: …

master chef jr™: …

master chef jr™: now we dont have time to unpack _ all _ of that

witch doctor: DONT QUOTE JOHN AT ME IM NOT OKA Y

master chef jr™: shhhhhh sugarcube i’m on my way

witch doctor: why are you suddenly southern

master chef jr™: dont question me

witch doctor: yes ma’am

master chef jr™: bb, its not the end of the world

witch doctor: i guess…

master chef jr™: now who could do blood transfusions with his eyes closed

witch doctor: …me

master chef jr™: who knows how to shoe a heckin horse?

witch doctor: me

master chef jr™: who knows frickin mAGIC

witch doctor: me :0

master chef jr™: WHO MAKES THE BEST GOSH DARN MAC AND CHEESE EVER TO GRACE THIS EARTH

witch doctor: me?

master chef jr™: YES YOU

witch doctor: :D

master chef jr™: NOW! YOU PRECIOUS BEAN! YOU CAN DO SO MUCH AND GUESS WHAT! YOU! CAN! DO! THIS!

master chef jr™: now you go out there and bless him with your gosh darn presence

witch doctor: you’re a blessing

master chef jr™: uno reverse

master chef jr™: now get outta here

master chef jr™: get this bread

witch doctor: gain that grain

master chef jr™: and yeet that yeast

witch doctor: ily binch <33333

master chef jr™: lov u too asshat<33333

_ witch doctor has changed the chat name to “crack heads” _

master chef jr™: hmm

master chef jr™: it’s missing something

_ witch doctor has changed the chat name to “♡crack heads♡” _

master chef jr™: better, but

_ witch doctor has changed the chat name to “♡crack heads™♡” _

witch doctor: perfect

master chef jr™: you complete me

** Untitled Chat **

3:14 PM

alloy man: i know :)

alloy man: g mornin anyway :)

witch doctor: aw thanks!

alloy man: actually i’ve been meaning to ask

alloy man: do you think…

alloy man: you can make it to this get together the avengers are doing this friday at around seven?

** pizzzzzaaaa **

3:15 PM

alloy man: [_yikes.png_]

alloy man: i wussed out :(

salt bae: It’s okay Tones! At least you invited him somewhere :0

salt bae: Now I can formally meet this mans ;)

alloy man: gasp! the pepper potts? using a? wonky face?

salt bae: Ha

salt bae: Wonky

alloy man: oh hush

salt bae: I won’t tell anyone about your typos, don’t worry

alloy man : :P

** Untitled Chat **

3:17 PM

witch doctor: sure

alloy man: cool, see you there

** war… war never changes **

3:21 PM

witch doctor: when someone says ‘cool, see you there’ what do they mean??

_ mater has changed the chat name to “talking about b o y s” _

witch doctor: kjdjkdjdj stop calling me out

witch doctor: but seriouslyyyyyy

disowned: It means cool, see you there

witch doctor: no it doesn’t you dingus

master chef jr™: it means cool, see you there

witch doctor: oh okay :) thanks chrissy, you’re so helpful :))

master chef jr™: anytime :))

disowned: I-


	6. hydrate or diedrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a possible plot? in my fic? more likely than you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *posts this a day after halloween* oops
> 
> got to do some embroidery yesterday tho!
> 
> a big thanks to shvoop in the comments! and to everyone who leaves one! (y'all are the fuel to this fic and y'all are also the best :'0) also thank you to anyone that leaves kudos! and to anyone just reading this? i made this so you can read it! i hope u enjoy it :D
> 
> hot take: tree
> 
> fic related news: i didn't like the chapter i wrote for three bands so i low key scrapped it and im trying to write the revised version to hopefully get it out soon! and as i always say, no i haven’t forgotten about ‘this just in: stephen strange has a life’! i'm trying to figure out where i want to go with it but when i do and when it’s rewritten, it’ll be out for y’all to read >:3
> 
> health check: don’t forget to eat, hydrate, and move around if you haven’t in a while :) you've got this :D! take care of yourself kiddos!
> 
> if you read these, comment which one is better: halloween or christmas
> 
> and finally, enjoy the new chapter!

**war… war never changes**

3:21 PM

witch doctor: when someone says ‘cool, see you there’ what do they mean??

_ mater has changed the chat name to “talking about b o y s” _

witch doctor: kjdjkdjdj stop calling me out

witch doctor: but seriouslyyyyyy

disowned: It means cool, see you there

witch doctor: no it doesn’t you dingus

master chef jr™: it means cool, see you there

witch doctor: oh okay :) thanks chrissy, you’re so helpful :))

master chef jr™: anytime :))

disowned: I-

master chef jr™: spook

disowned: ?

master chef jr™: s p o o k

disowned: It’s not Halloween?

master chef jr™: **Ş̺̣̖͜͡P͍͕̘̙̦̕͘͟O̧̢̝̮Ơ͖͓͖̬̩K̬͖̺̜̩̭̜͢ ̸͓̦́̕ͅN͕̬̯̞̭͔̹̕E̵҉̼͕̲̥̫͜V͏҉̺̤̭̤̖̘̗͉͢E͇̤̝͙͇͟͝R̶̬̠̘̮̩̦̘̤͢͝ͅ ͎̫͍̙́ͅÈ̡͎͙̳̦͖͖͓͢ͅŅ̙̞̻͖̟̗̱D̶͏͍̯͇S̘̥͎̥̘͓͇͞**

mater: I-

witch doctor: fair

disowned: I’m scared

master chef jr™: u should be :)

mater: unrelated, but how did you kids become friends??

master chef jr™: ahah ahh ahaha stephen u seein this

witch doctor: sjshsuhsj im cryinf

witch doctor: *sigh* those were the good old days

master chef jr™: indeed

disowned: You’re,,, still friends,,,,,,,

witch doctor: silence disowned

disowned: I feel attacked :^/

master chef jr™: anyway, 2 answer ur question

master chef jr™: i punched stephen’s “friend” straight in his shit

witch doctor: yee

witch doctor: thx for that by the way

master chef jr™: anytime bb, he was a butthole

mater: I’m gonna need context

master chef jr™: k mom

master chef jr™: todd, stephie’s toxic ”””””friend””””” was being aggressive af (also gave rlly creepy vibes) so i punched him in….. a certain area before grabbing steph and yeeting out of there

witch doctor: my hero

master chef jr™: :) <33

witch doctor: :D <333

disowned: Christine, did you kill god

witch doctor: don't ask questions you don't want the answers to

master chef jr™: : )

** ♡crack heads™♡ **

4:14 PM

witch doctor: uh oh stinky

witch doctor: you saw the fight?

master chef jr™: yea, u okay???

witch doctor: mostly, need to wash lev tho

master chef jr™: poor baby :(

master chef jr™: need help?

witch doctor: yeah, hands are sore :/

master chef jr™: good thing typing takes hardly any magic then

witch doctor: facts

master chef jr™: ill brings a heating pad for u

witch doctor: bless ur soul

master chef jr™: :)

witch doctor: have you ever thought about how to get away with murder

master chef jr™: yeah

witch doctor: welp

witch doctor: gotta feed bats

master chef jr™: pfffffff

witch doctor: lov uuuu

master chef jr™: ily2 beech

** chaotic bi protection squad **

4:22 PM

master chef jr™: break into stephs house soon, he needs his mom

mater: fair

master chef jr™: bring him pie, hed cry

mater: use apostrophes child

master chef jr™: l’i’k’e’ t’h’i’s’?

master chef jr™: **i’s’ t’h’i’s w’h’a’t’ y’o’u’ t’r’u’l’y’ w’a’n’t**

mater: …

mater: nevermind

master chef jr™: :)

mater: anyway, I’ll stop by soon dw

master chef jr™: best magic momther

mater: thank

** war… war never changes **

4:29 PM

mater: i have given in and accepted my role as the mother of this group

_ mater has changed mater’s username to “momther” _

master chef jr™: !!!! m O M

witch doctor: mum :D

disowned: Wait till my mom hears this

momther: I have heard

master chef jr™: got em

witch doctor: what if we summoned a demon

disowned: Wh-

witch doctor: haha jk

witch doctor: … unless?

master chef jr™: ;)

witch doctor: ;;)

master chef jr™: gotta ask the wife tho

witch doctor: ha, gay

master chef jr™: no u

witch doctor: [_surprisedpikachu.png_]

momther: maybe the real gay was the friends we made along the way

disowned: I drank water once

momther: good for you

_ witch doctor has changed the chat name to “hydrate or diedrate”_

** parents of the disowned **

6:56 PM

witch doctor: sooooooooo

witch doctor: mordo is back

momther: oh heck

master chef jr™: the plot thiccens


	7. nick isn’t AS cursed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> love me some party planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? posting somewhat consistently? more likely than you think!
> 
> *sigh* i want a hot pocket rn
> 
> big thanks to both nrvana and sekhmet67 in the comments!! and to everyone who has left one! (y'all give me sm motivation i swear-) and a big thank you to everyone that leaves kudos! and to anyone just reading this? i hope u enjoy the fic! it’s for u :D
> 
> hot take: we should live in cottages
> 
> fic related news: i didn't like the chapter i wrote for three bands so i did scrap it and im trying to write the revised version to hopefully get it out sometime before the year ends lmao. and as i always say, no i haven’t forgotten about ‘this just in: stephen strange has a life’! i'm trying to figure out where i want to go with it but when i do and when it’s rewritten, it’ll be out for y’all to read >:3
> 
> health check: don’t forget to eat, hydrate, and move around if you haven’t in a while :) get some rest if you feel like you need to! take! care! of! yourselves! 
> 
> if you read these, how was your day today?
> 
> anyway come and get y’all’s juice?

** parents of the disowned **

6:56 PM

witch doctor: sooooooooo

witch doctor: mordo is back

momther: oh heck

master chef jr™: the plot thiccens

witch doctor: he's popping up all over, it's kinda sus

momther: yeah,,, we should keep an eye on that

master chef jr™: probably????

master chef jr™: didn't he dip for like three years

witch doctor: yeah

master chef jr™: have you seen him?

witch doctor: nah

master chef jr™: hmmmm

master chef jr™: odd

master chef jr™: mayhaps hes just living his life in peace now?

witch doctor: maybe…. idk tho

momther: just keep a lookout, I’m sure it’s nothing too bad

witch doctor: kay mom

** Untitled Chat **

7:42 AM

alloy man: you still coming over tonight?

witch doctor: yup

witch doctor: what time is the get together thing?

alloy man: like six-ish, but you can come whenever

witch doctor: should i bring anything or?

** pizzzzzaaaa **

7:43 AM

alloy man: [_i__tstooearlyforgaypanic.jpeg_]

salt bae: Considerate :0 ? I might steal your mans

salt bae: Also, what are y o u doing awake at this time

alloy man: sleep? i dont know her

salt bae: :(

alloy man: i’ll sleeb later dw

alloy man: but h elp

salt bae: Tell him he can bring whatever ?

alloy man: kay :)

** Untitled Chat **

7:45 AM

alloy man: you don’t have to, but if you want you can bring whatever

witch doctor: kay, see u later

alloy man: see you later :)

** ♡crack heads™♡ **

9:14 AM

witch doctor: hhhhhhh i don’t know what to ba k e

master chef jr™: food?

witch doctor: yes

master chef jr™: heck yea, make cheesecake brownies

witch doctor: ooo maybe

witch doctor: actually

** Untitled Chat **

9:17 AM

witch doctor: can i bring someone?

** pizzzzzaaaa **

9:17 AM

alloy man: [_heck.jpeg_]

alloy man: i think he’s with someone :’/

salt bae: Aw heck D’:

** Untitled Chat **

9:18 AM

alloy man: sure :)

** ♡crack heads™♡ **

9:20 AM

witch doctor: WANNA CO,E W ME TO THIS GET TOGETHER THING

master chef jr™: wow those spelling errors caused me physical pain

witch doctor: pot

witch doctor: kettle

master chef jr™: shhhhh

master chef jr™: but ofc ill go w u bb

master chef jr™: gotta leave early tho

witch doctor: oooo is it

witch doctor: _ date night~~ _

master chef jr™: mayhaps

witch doctor: tell the missus i love her

master chef jr™: i will

master chef jr™: make brownies bls

witch doctor: just for u

master chef jr™: :D<3333

witch doctor: :3<33

master chef jr™: precious nerd :’)

** hydrate or diedrate **

11:06 AM

witch doctor: who wants brownies?

disowned: M E

disowned: IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION, YOUR BAKING IS LITERALLY THE BEST

witch doctor: flattery will get you nowhere

witch doctor: but it will get you brownies, i’m giving you four

disowned: :’^)

momther: what kind?

witch doctor: cheesecake

momther: ooo

momther: gimme three

witch doctor: yes mom

_ master chef jr™ has changed witch doctor’s username to “phd” _

phd: ?

master chef jr™: pretty handsome dude :)

phd: :’)

master chef jr™: should we match for tonight btw?

phd: sure :0

phd: do u still have the jacket?

master chef jr™: ofc, i looked hot af in that

phd: cinnamon apple, you still do

master chef jr™: aww lov u 2 bb

phd: <333

disowned: Ew affection

phd: lov u 2 nick

disowned: KSJJDJDIIJKS,SKMSNHXNUxnxu

momther: I think you killed him

master chef jr™: good

momther: harsh

phd: wait no, that’s illegal

master chef jr™: fine ;(

disowned: I live? I think?

disowned: Has the day finally come?

disowned: Am I?

phd: for now

_ phd has changed disowned’s username to “temp owned” _

temp owned: :’^0!!!

temp owned: IM NOT DISOWNED

_ momther has changed the chat name to “nick isn’t AS cursed” _

phd: **for now**

temp owned: H-

phd: :)

master chef jr™: :))

** ♡crack heads™♡ **

2:07 PM

phd: want to come over for lunch and to get ready?

master chef jr™: u makin spinach quesadillas?

phd: ofc

master chef jr™: heck yeah then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost never leave end chapter notes but i have a question,
> 
> would y’all want the get together to be an actual thing (like as in actually written and not just talked about in the various chats) or should it just be mentioned as a thing that happened?
> 
> if so, what avengers do u want there? like new avengers or should the rouges b there?
> 
> anyway have a nice day :)


	8. Chris and Stephen are a chaotic duo pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when i tell you i had no say in where this chapter went, i mean it. like, this was not what i intended, but tbh... i’m not mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took a while oops
> 
> hhhhhh homecoming is today wh y
> 
> thanks to sugar/sweet tooth and xkomaru!!! and of course a big thanks to anyone that leaves one! (y'all really out here? feeding me that motivation?) and a big thank you to everyone that leaves kudos! and to anyone just reading this? hope you like the fic, and have a nice day!
> 
> hot take: falsettos/marvelous mrs. maisel crossover
> 
> fic related news: i am in the middle of writing a lot so i can have more out later instead of just random updates, so that means a bit of a wait on the other fics, so enjoy this one in the meantime :)
> 
> health check: don’t forget to eat, hydrate, and move around if you haven’t in a while :) i dont know who reads these but if you do, drink self love juice! you’re great!
> 
> if you read these, comment your current favorite song :0
> 
> anyway here’s the chapter! (almost a week late oop-)

The sound of the door opening echoed throughout the sanctum.

“MOMMA’S HOME,” Christine called out before she followed the scent of brownies to the kitchen. She peeked her head in and choked back a laugh at the sight before her. Stephen seemed to have stress baked six trays of brownies and was currently trying to balance two of the trays in one gloved hand. Something brushed her hand and she looked over to see the cloak shaking with mirth. The sorcerer frantically paced from one side of the kitchen to the other for a place to let the brownies cool, startling when he turned to see he wasn’t alone.

“By the Vishanti Chris, don’t scare me like that,” he grumbled while pouting as she only snickered louder. “But that's half the fun m’dear,” she said as she cleared a spot on the table for him to put down the tray, “besides, you deserved a little scare.” Stephen made some kind of offended noise.

“What did I do?”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah, Nick’s lunch…… sorry about that”

The doctor walked over and brushed a stray hair away from his face. 

“You will be.”

He sputtered and she skipped away, breezily avoiding the threat of pranks on her way to the foyer. “So Stephen! Where are we headed today?” The man trailed behind her, “So, funny story…”

* * *

“I GET TO MEET THE AVENGERS?!”

Stephen winced at the volume of her voice and her eyes widened, “Ack! Sorry! Just got excited. Because heroes.” He relaxed, “It's fine Chris, I get it… wait I’m a hero-” She shushed him and took his face in her hands. “You’re my hero, there’s a difference.” He booed, “Corny.” She flicked his nose.

“Ow-”

“Time to get ready!”

* * *

The pair stepped through a portal looking extremely comfortable, Christine in her oversized deep blue denim jacket that was definitely Stephen’s at one point along with a soft white shirt, black jeans and vans. Stephen wore a scarf that definitely wasn’t a certain cloak in disguise, his matching jacket (thank the Vishanti he had two), a black button up, sweatpants dressy enough to pass as fashionable, and his favorite high tops. 

They made a wonderfully dramatic entrance until Stephen almost tripped, nearly dropping the brownies. Christine snickered and helped him balance himself as Tony made his way over to them.

“Stephen! You made it! I- uh, I mean, h-hey, what’s up.” He then attempted to lean on a nonexistent wall and nearly fell over before he caught himself. “I totally meant to do that.” he said, with finger guns. Christine choked back a laugh as Stephen panicked, “I made brownies!” The sorcerer shoved the tin in Tony’s hands before grabbing his companion’s hand and speedwalking to the closest corner. She cackled as soon as they were out of earshot.

“That was,” she wheezed, “so bad.” He flushed red and flicked her in the arm. “Shut-” He cut himself off when Carol Danvers walked by and they waited until she was out of range before he continued. “Shut up Christine, I panicked.” he said as he crossed his arms. She cooed, “Aww is the baby nervous.” He glared at her and she snickered before combing her hand through his hair, “It’s okay babes.” Stephen batted her hand away, “Keep touching my hair and I’ll set your hair on fire.” She raised an eyebrow, “Isn’t that arson?” He shrugged, “Whether or not it’s arson depends on my lawyer.” 

“... Am I interrupting something?” They both turned to see the one and only, Pepper Potts.

“Uhhh… no?” The sorcerer awkwardly smiled.

The imposing woman stared at them quizzically, before deciding it wasn’t worth questioning. “Well, I just came over to give my compliments to the chef. Doctor Strange was it?” He nodded, “Just Stephen is fine.” She smiled at him before continuing, “I was wondering where you got them, I might ask them to cater.” 

Stephen perked up, “Oh actually, I made them!” 

“Really? They were delicious! You should join the little baking group here at the compound then,” Pepper then looked down sheepishly, “we could use someone who actually knows how to bake.” He beamed, “I’d be glad to help!”

The business woman turned to face the other doctor. “So… you must be Stephen’s plus one? His date?” The two doctors looked at each other and struggled to keep their composure. “My date?” Stephen asked, barely holding in a laugh. Pepper only looked confused, “Yes, isn’t she your girlfriend?” She then looked down at Christine’s ring finger, “or fiancée?” Christine made eye contact with Stephen, silently challenging him to see who could drag this out the longest, before replying, “Actually, married.”

Pepper’s eyebrows twitched slightly, “Oh, you’re married?” Stephen nodded, “Yes, she proposed.” Christine hooked her arm through Stephen’s, “Now Pepper, it was lovely meeting you. Unfortunately, I best take some of the brownies while I can, I almost never have them at home.” Pepper hid her confusion, wondering how odd it was that a man who acted like an absolute disaster around Tony could be _ married _ of all things, and simply waved goodbye to the pair.

Stephen and Christine arrived at the abandoned food table and immediately started giggling, “We probably shouldn’t have done that.” Christine grabbed a brownie and a champagne flute, “But where would be the fun in that _ dear husband _ .” Stephen mimed gagging and she nudged him. “Listen babes, we have a collection of some of the smartest people in the world here, it would be _ hilarious _ if they all thought we were married.” The sorcerer opened his mouth to protest but closed it. “Okay that would be pretty funny. Should we tell the others?” Christine shoved a brownie in her mouth, “Hbel ysh.” The sorcerer turned to her and squinted. “How was I able to understand that?” She shrugged. He sighed and pulled out his phone.

* * *

** nick isn’t AS cursed **

6:43 PM

witch doctor: convince the avengers that chris and i are married, yes or no

temp owned: no

witch doctor: okay it’s happening then

momther: ?? aren’t you married

witch doctor: we are now

momther: :)

* * *

He looked up from his phone to see Christine downing an entire champagne flute. He beamed proudly and leaned over to Thor, “That’s my wife.”


	9. Chris and Stephen are a chaotic duo pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> k a r e o k e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy the last part of the scene special :D!! 
> 
> i had my improv show last friday and i have my dance concert in like two weeks rip me
> 
> thanks to sugar/sweet tooth for leaving a comment! ur such a big supporter of this :') and of course a big thanks to anyone that leaves a comment in the future! (i'm so glad u enjoy my writing!) and thanks to anyone that leaves kudos or bookmarks this! and to anyone just reading this at random? i hope u enjoy it :)
> 
> hot take: the librarians deserved better
> 
> fic related news: holy heck I'm writing a lot of random fics fjhjsjfhjkal
> 
> health check: don’t forget to eat, hydrate, and move around if you haven’t in a while :) take care kiddos :D
> 
> if you read these, what's your favorite ship rn :0?
> 
> anyway enjoy the chapter! hope you've enjoyed the scene chapter specials :)

“That's my wife.”

Tony’s head sunk to the tabletop, “He's married Brucey. He's _ married _.” The scientist in question put a mug of mediocre hot chocolate (brought to you by one Peter Quill) next to him. “There there?” Bruce awkwardly patted Tony’s back, “Maybe it's just a misunderstanding?” The inventor lifted his head, “How could it, he called her his wife.” Bruce winced, “That is pretty hard to argue with.” Tony's head wilted back to where it was. Bruce sighed and resumed awkwardly patting Tony's back.

Across the room, a certain pair were acting chaotic, as they normally did when together. They were currently babbling to Scott and Hope about kids. Scott was ecstatic to talk about Cassie and Stephen happily replied by talking about the “new baby”, also known as his new puppy. Christine kept a straight face while talking to Hope. “Yeah, we take him to the park a lot. He always gets so dirty there.” Hope laughed, “Yeah, when I see Cass, she normally has dirt on her shoes.” The doctor smiled at her. “She sounds adorable!” They looked over to find Scott attempting to teach Stephen how to do card tricks. After he successfully did one of the tricks, the doctors hijacked the karaoke machine, choosing to sing, well more like perform, a few songs. Stephen belted out a song about a _ Touch-Tone Telephone_, with additional harmonies courtesy of one Christine Palmer. 

Around seven thirty, Christine, definitely on her sixth flute of champagne, climbed onto the counter and called for the attention of the few people in the kitchen. “HE- Hey yalllll, it me. I just wanted to say I fuckin’ love my wife. Stephen, you best documenent this before I eat your kneecaps.” Stephen gladly obliged, snickering at her mispronunciation as he pressed record. “Howdy m’dear, I just wanted to tell you that I love you lo-” she hiccuped, “lots. You're my favorite human, besides Stephie, but your hair is really soft, so I think you win. Also, you're so freakin’ pretty and kind, I just?” The rest of the guests in the room, thoroughly confused, watched as the doctor teared up. “I'm so heckin’ happy I married you.” She then made grabby hands and Stephen stopped recording to help her down. He led her to the couch and she put her head in his lap before making a motion and passing out. “So fucking weird,” he murmured while putting on the headphones she had signaled for.

He put on a certain podcast to help her sleep and started to braid her hair when Rhodey approached them.

“Uh… what was that? If it's not rude to ask?”

Stephen snorted and shook his head, “A message to her wife, she has me record them whenever she's wasted. It's actually pretty cute to see Jenn’s reaction.” Rhodey raised an eyebrow, “I thought you were her husband.” Stephen froze in his braiding and groaned. “Dang it, the jig is up.” The sorcerer then motioned for the colonel to have a seat. As Rhodey obliged, Stephen explained the situation.

“Okay so, no, Chris and I aren't married. You see, since we were in a relationship once upon a time, it's kind of an inside joke to go along with it when people assume we're together. Sometimes we drag it on, but usually one of us slips up,” he looked down, a bit sheepishly, “normally me. Whoever slips has to do whatever the winner says and since it's usually me, I just have to cook whatever she's craving.”

Rhodey gaped before holding up a hand.

“Wait, so you guys… aren’t together.”

Stephen nodded.

“She’s married… just not to you?”

He nodded again.

“What about the baby you were talking about earlier?”

Stephen perked up, “Oh that? We were talking about our new dog.”

“... Huh.”

Rhodey eyed the sorcerer enough for him to be slightly nervous. He then shook his head and murmured something. Stephen tilted his head in confusion and Rhodey said louder, “You two really are made for each other.” The doctor remained confused and the colonel simply snorted, “Just remember to come clean,” before hopping off the couch and leaving the room. Stephen considered calling him back but opened a portal instead.

“Jenn?” 

The woman turned from the plant she was watering. “Oh hey Strange! How’s the party?” Jenn then looked at the sleeping figure resting on Stephen’s lap and laughed, “I guess someone needs a bed.” Stephen nodded in agreement before asking aloud, “Lev? A little help, if you don’t mind.” The scarf around his neck shifted into a softer form of a blanket, wrapping around the sleeping doctor and lifting her through the portal. Jenn took it from there, guiding Christine back into their home but not before waving goodbye to Stephen. The Cloak flew back through the portal and settled back around Stephen’s neck as a scarf. He opened out his phone.

* * *

**♡crack heads™♡**

7:36 PM

phd: lightweight

* * *

**Untitled Chat**

7:37 PM

phd: hey you might have heard that i was married? just figured i’d let you know im not,, it was a joke my friend and i do a lot. hope no one took it too seriously, but i’m just telling you because i like

phd: uh, i have your number

phd: so yeah

phd: i guess what i’m trying to say is thanks for inviting me to the party :)

* * *

**♡crack heads™♡**

7:41 PM

phd: [_ohshitohshitohshit.jpeg_]

phd: i aLMOST WROTE IT FU C K

* * *

**pizzzzzaaaa**

7:51 PM

alloy man: [_whatdoesthismEAN.jpeg_]

alloy man: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

salt bae: IT MEANS UR STILL IN THE GAM E

alloy man: HOLY HECK

salt bae: Heck ?

alloy man: i spent too much time around the kid, don’t judge me

alloy man: you know what, i’m gonna see if he’s still here and make a move

salt bae: …

alloy man: okay i might chicken out and just give him his brownie trays

salt bae: Any progress is good progress

alloy man: than k

* * *

“Stephen?”

The doctor stopped fussing with his scarf to look for the source of the voice. 

He made eye contact.

“Uh, hey Tony.”


	10. eat my beans or i’ll schlorp your kneecaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late! i wanted to get it out last week but i had to feed content to one of my newer fandoms (we only have eight in my favorite ship’s tag rip me)
> 
> hope this makes up for it!
> 
> major thanks to nrvana sugar/sweet tooth! you both always leave such nice comments :’D and thank you to anyone that leaves a comment in the future! (hope you enjoyed this!) and thanks to anyone that leaves kudos or bookmarks this! and to anyone just reading this on a whim? hope it’s a fun read :D
> 
> hot take: hsmtmts is a great show
> 
> fic related news: ???? (it’s almost exam season, i won’t be able to write as much :()
> 
> health check: don’t forget to eat, hydrate, and move around if you haven’t in a while :) take care :3
> 
> if you read these, comment your favorite character/friendship in this
> 
> and here it is! the chapter! hope it was worth the wait :)

**nick isn’t AS cursed**

9:47 PM

phd: what color theme should my wedding have

momther: cream, gold, navy blue, and burgundy with forest green accents

phd: thanks mom

momther: np

temp owned: Wh-

temp owned: Explain pls :^0

phd: well

phd: i caught serious feelings rip me

temp owned: Tea?

_ phd has changed temp owned’s username to  _ “ _ disowned _ ”

disowned: Dang it

momther: back on track, what about feelings?

phd: ok mom

phd: i uhhhhh did a big dumb and caught even more feelings

momther: *sigh*

phd: he was,,, so nice,,, and awkward,, but in a cute way,,, i just-

phd: jdjddjsksklalalaksk

momther: it okay child, it happens to the best of us

disowned: H-

momther: except me but that's besides the point

phd: we stan an a-spec icon :)

momther: :)

phd: <333

momther: <333

disowned: :^(

momther: we love you nick

disowned: :^)

**the mirror dimension is gay**

9:52 PM

momther: speak

phd: yes ma'am

phd: okokok so

momther: you spend way too much time around Christine

phd: shut

momther: I-

phd: sorry

momther: forgiven

momther: continue

phd: right, so

phd: there i was, fussing with lev (as one does) and then… he called my name

momther: pff you’re making it sound like a romance novel

phd: lemme tell

momther: okay, spill

phd: ok so he called my name and i turned obvi. then he seemed flustered for a bit before holding out the brownie tray

momther: aw

phd: i knowwwww

phd: and then we started taaaalking and…

momther: and?

phd: he invited me to go to a cat café

phd: and i said yes ofc

momther: i thought you were allergic

phd:  _ mi l dl y _

momther: and you don't like coffee

phd: eh, i can eat a muffin

momther: I-

phd: besisissisisisides

phd: them cats b cute ngl

momther: h-

phd: and tony b cute 2

phd: so win win in my book

momther: … you are one weird man

phd: thank you

**nick isn't AS cursed**

2:59 AM

phd: bro who's gonna eat the beans

disowned: Wh-

phd: eat my frickin beans

disowned: No??

master chef jr™: scared of  _ BEANS _ S P A C E B O Y?

_ phd has changed the chat name to “eat my beans or i’ll schlorp your kneecaps” _

disowned: What is happening??????

phd: when i tell you to eat my beans, you eat them

disowned: Are you okay?

phd: ╎ᒲ ⎓╎リᒷ

momther: okay 1) no you're not stephen, go to bed

momther: 2) are you typing in minecraft enchantment table?

master chef jr™: ||𝙹⚍ ∷ᒷᓵ𝙹⊣リ╎⨅ᒷ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ᒲ𝙹ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ∷ ℸ ̣ 𝙹⚍リ⊣ᒷ?

momther: of course i recognize it, also it isn't the mother tongue

phd: 𝙹ꖌ ᒲ𝙹ᒲ

momther: now, go to sleep child

phd: ||ᒷᓭ ᒲ𝙹ᒲ

disowned: ????

momther: that goes for the rest of you

master chef jr™: yes ma'am

disowned: Alrighty then

**♡crack heads™♡**

7:01 AM

master chef jr™: ugh, hangover

phd: bean juice?

master chef jr™: ily

phd: how’s jenn~

master chef jr™: perish

phd: knew she’d love the vid ha

master chef jr™: :P

**Untitled Chat**

9:30 AM

_ chrimstine has added YesGoodNick to the group chat _

_ chrimstine has added letmesleep to the group chat _

chrimstine: hmm

_ chrimstine has changed YesGoodNick’s username to “disowned” _

_ chrimstine has changed letmesleep’s username to “momther” _

_ chrimstine has changed chrimstine’s username to “master chef jr™” _

master chef jr™: better

momther: wh-

master chef jr™: you’ll see

_ master chef jr™ has changed the chat name to “super secret planning gang” _

disowned: Oh I know ;^)

master chef jr™: ;)

momther: ???children?

master chef jr™: it’s a certain borth soon ;;;;)

momther: son’s birthday?

disowned: Yeah :^D

momther: ooo

momther: what are we doing then

master chef jr™: get him a coffin

disowned: … Christine, what the actual frick?

momther: look at that Christine, you got him all fired up

master chef jr™: no no, he’s wanted one for a while

disowned: I-

**the mirror dimension is gay**

11:04 AM

phd: uhh mom?

phd: *wong

phd: i think he’s coming

momther: oh dear


	11. peg all men 2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let stephen have a coffin, he wants one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one:  
me: *updates fic six months late*
> 
> kdjdjjdjd hi, i dipped for a... while(?) a knee ways stay safe and blm :)
> 
> thanks to sugarsweet tooth, sorcerer+strange, and nrvana! dont know if yall remember leaving comments but i still appreciate them :D and a big thanks to anyone who supports this fic :)
> 
> hot take: stephen would be a barb
> 
> fic news: trying to get out updates for as many of my fics as i can rn :)
> 
> health check: self! care! it’s okay to take time to log off and you’re not a bad person for wanting to take a break :)
> 
> if you read these, how have you been recently?
> 
> without further ado, the long awaited return of the chat fic literally no one wanted :D

**the mirror dimension is gay**

11:04 AM

phd: uhh mom?

phd: *wong

phd: i think he’s coming

momther: oh dear

phd: like i feel it

momther: maybe do a scan?

phd: yeah, okay

momther: okay, take care of yourself

phd: i will

momther: oh and go to the field for a message

phd: ???

momther: ask Christine, I’ll watch the sanctum while you’re gone

momther: kay byeeeee

phd: i-

**eat my beans or i’ll schlorp your kneecaps**

1:23 PM

master chef jr™: peg all men 2020

momther: you have my support

master chef jr™: thx mom :)

disowned: What’s pegging?

phd: 1) is that a campaign slogan because you have my vote

phd: 2) well nick, when a woman has something called big dick energy-

momther: I will take away your phone if you tell him

phd: but wong :( he has to learn the ways :((

master chef jr™: get pegged or get lost is the current mentality

_ master chef jr™ has changed the chat name to “get pegged or get lost” _

phd: yeah that

disowned: I’m concerned and confused :^/

momther: you’re valid nick

phd: is he though

master chef jr™: is he tho

disowned: I-

phd: JINX

master chef jr™: JIN X

momther: children. I’m surrounded by children.

master chef jr™: ::)<33

phd: love youuuuuuuu

momther: *sigh*

**♡crack heads™♡**

3:07 PM

phd: i forgot to say, mom said to ask about a field???

master chef jr™: no you’re supposed to meet me in the field

phd: oh

master chef jr™: it’s ok, ily bb

phd: :D<33

master chef jr™: even though you’re a dumbass sometimes

phd: h-

master chef jr™: xoxo

**super secret planning gang**

3:16 PM

master chef jr™: alright losers who picked up the coffin

momther: I’m getting it from your apartment rn

master chef jr™: ty ilysm

momther: no problem

disowned: He mentioned a game about New Horizons? I got him that

master chef jr™: U GOT HIM ACNH

master chef jr™: nick you might just get reowned

disowned: Wait till my mom hears this

master chef jr™: maybe

disowned: H-

momther: Jenn said hi by the way

master chef jr™: tell her i lovr her

momther: ok give me a sec

momther: she says she loves you too, also she wants you to water the ivy

master chef jr™: oop-

master chef jr™: i can see steph brb

momther: bye chris!

master chef jr™: :)<33

**fratz**

3:45 PM

phd: ok i need to get to your window?

disowned: Yup :^D

phd: are you allowed to tell me what you three have been up too

disowned: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

**super secret planning gang**

3:46 PM

disowned: [_ canitellhimyetor-.png _]

master chef jr™: dont tell him yet but yee im good 2 go

momther: the sanctum is set up so we’re okay on this end

disowned: Alright!!

**fratz**

3:49 PM 

disowned: Okay, so I’m not allowed to tell you yet but open a portal to the sanctum entrance ;^)

phd: ok???

disowned: Keep it open for a sec, I have to hop through!

phd: gotcha ;)

**get pegged or get lost**

3:52 PM

phd: YOU GUYSSSSSS AWWWWW

phd: ILYALL SM<33333

disowned: …?

phd: YES THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO NICK (also ty for acnh i would die for u)

disowned: Aww I love you too!!! Also please don’t die again!

phd: no promises ;)

disowned: H-

momther: we love you too Stephen

phd: mom i literally love u sm, you really stole a relic for me

momther: you were talking about sewing for a while, it was the least I could do

momther: I’ll explain it later, it’s an interesting one

phd: wong,, ty :’)

phd: YALL DRESSED UP BATS HES SO AWWW

master chef jr™: HEHEHEHE

master chef jr™: ILY2 OFC HAPPY BDAY BITC H

phd: YOU GOT ME A COFFIN

master chef jr™: i did

phd: i love you

master chef jr™: >:D<33333

phd: :’)

phd: wait who’s knocking

master chef jr™: hehehehe

**Author's Note:**

> hope y’all like this :) i’m working on three bands rn but i wanted something out so tadA
> 
> lemme know if y’all want ironstrange/drpepperony in this :0
> 
> scream at me on tumblr! my user is dazesanddoodles!
> 
> comments and kudos water my motivation crops uwu
> 
> hope you have a nice day :D! don’t forget to hydrate!


End file.
